Thursday, October 30, 2014

Thomas B. Holman (BYU professor of marriage, 2000 BYU devotional)

Matthew 7:3–5: And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

The ABCs of Courtship
*A is the Attraction and Acquaintance stage.
*When the seeking, sending, and receiving is done in sync—in other words, both people are seeking, sending, and receiving the same messages—the couple moves to the B or Build-Up Stage. At this point the couple gets to know each other and checks out the person to see if he or she is the right person for them.
*C stage, the stage of Consolidation, Continuation, and mutual Commitment to the eternal relationship.
*We need to understand not only the ABCs of courtship but also the D and E stages of courtship: Deterioration and Ending. The D and E phases of relationship development are possibly the most difficult to deal with.


“make a decision” 
First, be worthy to receive the inspiration you need.
Second, understand the balance between agency and inspiration.
Third, seek multiple witnesses.
Fourth, learn to discern between inspiration, infatuation, desperation, and a desire to please others.
Fifth, the spiritual confirmation needs to come to both parties involved.


The Right Person Is Not Perfect—Yet
We would do well to remember Elder Richard G. Scott’s counsel that mirrors my wife’s comments:
I suggest that you not ignore many possible candidates who are still developing these attributes, seeking the one who is perfected in them. You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you. These attributes are best polished together as husband and wife. [“Receive the Temple Blessings,” Ensign, May 1999, 26]

I. Emotional Part of Love
Immature LoveMature Love
PossessivenessLasting Passion
JealousyDesire for
InfatuationCompanionship
PreoccupationWarm Feeling of
AnxietyContentment
II. Belief Part of Love
Immature LoveMature Love
“Love Is Blind”Commitment
External to UsTrust
Beyond Our ControlSharing

Sacrifice


III. Behavior Part of Love
Immature LoveMature Love
SelfishCreate an Environment
Lustfulfor Growth and
Concerned OnlyDevelopment
with SatisfyingAllows Other Space
Own Needsfor Growth
Clinging
Overdependent
Demanding of
Obedience

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