Ever since I could remember, I've been making up songs.
Like, in my head.
I guess I've heard that some people do that when their little, but I never stopped. I've been making up songs in my head since I was very young. And this explains why I can't always relate to people. Why I can't build any lasting, close relationships with people. Why I zone out in social situations, etc.
I often wonder what other people think about. There were a few years in my life when I was negative about this- I questioned whether my thoughts were normal. I've recently become at peace with my thoughts. I decided my thoughts are pretty normal and I know people who think like I do in some respects... except for the whole "songs" thing.
I'm not sure if I've met anybody who makes up songs all the time. Anybody whose thought that way their entire life. Someone who's never satisfied with the artistic work they come up with in their head, constantly.
So I'm very critical of modern pop music. Am I trying to prove a point? The more influences I get, the better. Not like every artist out there will influence me, I got to listen to everything at least once.
Still, I think of riffs, hooks, lyrics, song titles consistently. This is the mind of Scott E Hall for the last 23 years.
I no longer think there's "something wrong with me." But I 100% believe that this whole "songs" thing is unique; individualistic.
I'm afraid to say it aloud. I've been telling people "I think of songs" and "I write music," but nobody knows that its on my mind, practically every hour of my life. That's not normal. But it doesn't make it wrong.
I remember a couple songs I wrote from when I was very little. (Ex: I remember a song I made for a lego plane I made at age 4. It was called "Scary 5109." Don't ask.) But the songs I've planned on sticking with are at the most 5 years old. (ex: My blog post titled "Memory Maker" is divided into 3 parts. The first part was made 5 years ago, the third part was made 4 years ago & the second part was made Valentine's Day 2013.)
These past 2 weeks or so, I've felt more mentally stable than I have in YEARS. I realize everything's okay. But this "songs" thing... it might be hard for people to understand if I told them. Not the concept itself- but they probably won't believe me. But it's true. It's 100% true. I hope you all believe me.
